So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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