Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
