I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
