First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
