I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
