sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
