You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
