maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
