I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's Friday. Sex?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
