yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize