i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
