I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize