he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
soo... how was my night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
