Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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