the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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