Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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