I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
