the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
