Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
