Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
