his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
