You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
