She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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