Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
