so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
