I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my poor anus
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
