Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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