shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize