it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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