I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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