Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is pants optional.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
