My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
