Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
