Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
