i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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