i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
