Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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