Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize
