The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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