Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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