Plan B is the new Plan A
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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