I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
