so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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