he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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