you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I pour the whiskey from now on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
