All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
