$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
