he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
