you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
