I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
