Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
