I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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