I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
