Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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