I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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