she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
