As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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