I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
