I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
