Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
