Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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