Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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