you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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