absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
