Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
