is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
